Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
