I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize