Your mouth is God's brothel.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
