This is not my ceiling
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
