Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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