sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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