My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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