If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
