i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
