At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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