Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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