you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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