uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
