he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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