I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize