please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
