I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
