im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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