just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
