I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
