do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
