Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
