Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
