It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
