I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
