apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
