oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
