She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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