You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
