i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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