she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
