I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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