'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
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He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
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Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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