we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
