even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
