lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
