They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
