I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
