So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
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Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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