16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
