CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
