Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
