no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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