If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
