a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
