guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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