Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
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I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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