Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
