honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
