end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
