I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
