She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
