If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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