Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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