Quick, to the slutcave!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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