3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
