Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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