I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
